abc day 5

ok well its day 5 and i was 169 when i started and today i was 165.2 :) i lost 2.6 lbs. yay. i finally lost weight. my plateau is done.

ew im watching miss march and a gril just drank dog pee. ew. ew. ew.

i have no self control

we had a family dinner. im so fucking full. i ate so much. i have no fucking self control. im not eating tomorrow. ill get a drink but im not eating. you cant make me. nobody can make me. tomorrow is day 3 of abc. 300 cals (i think, maybe 400?) im going to get a drink at lunch. but nothing else. i have work so i cant snack at home. yay. fuck food. i will have control again.

i did this to myself.

my life is shitty because i let it be. i really wanted to go to the football game tonight. did i? no. i wanted to have fun this year. am i going to? no. im tired of my boyfriend because he is such an ass. will i break up with him? no. i want to party and hang out with my friends. will i? no. i want to do all of these things but i wont. its because of my boyfriend. he stops me. he is blocking my fun. im sitting here creeping on my friends pics and they are all happy. they dont have a care in the world. they are just having fun. am i? no. im sitting here. hating myself. hating them being jealous and crying and possibly cutting and wishing i was them.

oh just go on and shoot me

ugh my eating is out of fucking control. i eat EVERYTHING. everything. FUCK FUCK FUCK. im so tired of being fat. i hate it. all my friends are skinny. all of them. i dont have one fat friend. i want some fat friends so i feel skinny.