college.

college is so controversial between me and my boyfriend. ugh. i want to go somewhere. he wants to go somewhere like 3000 miles away. now he wants to go where i want to. i want to live in a completely different situation than he does and he doesnt like that. i want to be ina sorority. but apparently thats for faggots and retards and all this shit. i want to have fun. i want to party. i dont want to be tied down. i love him though. we have been dating for almost 3 years. ugh.

abc day 5

ok well its day 5 and i was 169 when i started and today i was 165.2 :) i lost 2.6 lbs. yay. i finally lost weight. my plateau is done.

ew im watching miss march and a gril just drank dog pee. ew. ew. ew.

i have no self control

we had a family dinner. im so fucking full. i ate so much. i have no fucking self control. im not eating tomorrow. ill get a drink but im not eating. you cant make me. nobody can make me. tomorrow is day 3 of abc. 300 cals (i think, maybe 400?) im going to get a drink at lunch. but nothing else. i have work so i cant snack at home. yay. fuck food. i will have control again.

i did this to myself.

my life is shitty because i let it be. i really wanted to go to the football game tonight. did i? no. i wanted to have fun this year. am i going to? no. im tired of my boyfriend because he is such an ass. will i break up with him? no. i want to party and hang out with my friends. will i? no. i want to do all of these things but i wont. its because of my boyfriend. he stops me. he is blocking my fun. im sitting here creeping on my friends pics and they are all happy. they dont have a care in the world. they are just having fun. am i? no. im sitting here. hating myself. hating them being jealous and crying and possibly cutting and wishing i was them.

oh just go on and shoot me

ugh my eating is out of fucking control. i eat EVERYTHING. everything. FUCK FUCK FUCK. im so tired of being fat. i hate it. all my friends are skinny. all of them. i dont have one fat friend. i want some fat friends so i feel skinny.

abc day 1 tomorrow (again)

ok well im starting abc over tomorrow. i was going to start today but i completely fucked up. so this is going to my online abc diary. and i am going to (try) to post every day! wish me luck!!!

ehhhh

today was alright. im getting fatter tho. :( i ate out for lunch every day. i had subway today. :( and gardettos. fmllllllllllll theres a dance tonight. i wanna go but idk... i dont think my boyfriend wants to go. :( i wanna be skinnnnnnnnny

fml

ok wellllll today i had like a mental break down in front of my boyfriend. fml

i had 2 bags of gardettos (240 each!!) fml

i had (delicious) sonic cheese bacon ranch tots w/ sweet tea. fml

i had 4 pieces of pizza. fml.

im jealous of my best friend. fml

im jealous of all my friends. fml

my boyfriend wants to go to a titty bar. fml

fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml

499 calories

yay im 1 calorie under!!!! its day 1 of abc and im a freaking falure (kinda) i had a cookie- 60, rootbeer - 120 subway -400 something chips- 140 which adds up to like 700 something. i burned 128 at school and i ran for 10 minutes at 5 mph and i burned 100 cals :) so im all good. but i cant eat anything tonight. if i do i need to burn it off. right now im drinking pepsi maxx :) yay for 0 calorie drinks!!! and im watching wife swap :) fav show!! gotta love lifetime.

i have to study my bio terms. blehhhhhhh test thursday. wish me luck!!

school

ok so its SENIOR YEAR!!! whoop whoop!!! and so far its going good really. i really like my classes. my boyfriend is getting on my nerves. he is very very very very very very very controlling. :\ it kinda ruins my day and my friends are like why do you let him do that? but i dont know. i wish he didnt. but he doesnt care what i want. :\

starting over

school is starting thursday. my diet/competition is starting tomorrow. me and my friend shelby are having a competition on who can lose the most. we are around the same weight. its going to last to may. we both wanna lost 60 lbs. that would make me around 110 and her about 105. i want to lose 30 by xmas. its really not that hard because its like 6 lbs a month. or .2 lbs a day. which i can totally do! im really excited. but im so scared to measure and weigh tomorrow. im such a fucking fat cow. i am disgusting.

wish me luck!!! <3

NEW SITE!!!

woohoo there is an awesome new ed site!!!

http://makemetheenyoftheworld.webs.com/

check it out bitches ;)

(sorry i called you bitches im watching mean girls)

wow...its been a while. i still havent lost weight. i was hoping to this weekend because i got my wisdom teeth removed but i still ate everything. :( i am such a fucking fat cow. i wanna be skinny. i told my boyfriend i am going to lose 60 lbs by next summer no matter what. i dont care what it takes. school starts thursday. im excited cuz its so much easier to starve. i want to be the girl that all the guys check out. not the guys girlfriend standing there looking fat.

ehhhh

god im so tired of being fat. its disgusting. i cant get away from food. i keep eating eating eating. i cant get under 170.2. its killing me. i wanna just die. i am out of control and its ruinng my life

back!

ok so vacation was good. i gained 2 lbs though :(

good day :)

today was pretty good. my friend victoria came over and we hung out. and we ate like everything. it sucked. and my boyfriend kept getting mad at me because he doesnt like victoria so he was like you dont need to hang out with her bla bla bla. but i dont give a fuck because i like victoria and i dont tell him who to hang out with so screw him! haha lol

im fasting tomorrow :) wish me luck

my boyfriend came over tonight to sit in the driveway in his truck after work. we just sat and cuddles and listened to music. it was nice.

i think our relationship is bipolar lol

texas on satruday!

chilis

ughh my boyfriend talked me into chilies. so i was like ok i will just get a salad. no. when we got there he was like you need to eat more! so i got chicken strips. he got loaded nachos, quesidillas and a desert which i had some of. it was really good but omg i am so full now. :( i dont think im gonna eat tomorrow. but my friend is coming over so i dont know if that will happen! :(

packing :)

i started packing for texas today!! :) we are leaving saturday morning but i packed stuff that wont get wrinkled and my toiletries. i didnt have anything else to do.

i woke up at 11 and went outisde to tan. i tanned for 20 on my front but its soo hot i just tanned for 10 on my back. it was only 11 and it was already 90 degrees! i love love love the summer!!!

i have work today at 5 wooo :) i like working

fathers day dinner

we are having home made hamburgers. yum yum!!! this is all im eating today. im hungry but whatever. im going to see my cousin who i am extremely jealous of in like a week so i have to lose as much as possible. wish me luck!

good day today :)

ok well today was pretty good. this morning wasnt really because me and my parents kept fighting and me and my boyfriend/friend/whatever kept fighting because he hangs up on me allll the time. like if i say something he doesnt like or if my parents say he cant come over or something he gets PISSED and hangs up and im like wtf is ur problem? i have never hung up on him. he said he would kill me if i did but whatever.

i worked 1-6 today. it was good. i sold 6 fragrances :) fragrences are REALLY big at rue 21. and i bought some really cute sun glasses. the only problem is they are kinda light and you can see my eyes through them. i like to wear sun glasses cuz when i cry or am pissed youc an see it in my eyes but whatever. i only paid like $2 for them b/c i get an emplyee discount AND i found a gift card on the floor that had like $3 on it. :) i have a really big hold pile. i need to go shopping :) but only when im skinny!

my best friend and i reunited. she went up to rue 21 and put in an application. we stopped talking like a year ago because my boyfriend didnt like her because she slept with this icky guy and my boyfriend thought she was a slut so he made me stop talking to her. but i informed him im going to start talking to her again. he can fuck it because i dont care what he thinks. i also decided im going to start wearing heels again. i stopped because he didnt like them. but fuck it I like them. and thats what matters, right?

lastly....my parents decided we are going on vacation. we are leaving next saturday the 26th. we are going to texas. to shop :) we have family down there but we are mainly going to shop. im bringing my laptop and the hotel should have free wifi since most do so yay :)

wellllll

alright im stuck at 169. i have been eating really not well lately. my parents and grandma and boyfriend/exboyfriend/friend whatever he is keeps taking me out to eat and im like wtffff. my mom asked me what i had for lunch the other day and i was like carrots and she was like kelly starving is not the way to go if you are trying to lose weight. and i roll my eyes im like mommmmm i knowww. hahaha if only she knew what REALLY was going on!! lol. ugh i have work today at 1. idk why i got up so freakin early. lol


i went shopping yesterday! yal need to check out the victoria secret semi annual sale. its AWESOME. i got pink shirts! i got 2 for 12.99, 1 for 10.99 and 1 for 6.99! they are realllly cute! i love them. im wearing one to work today. its blue and has a happy face on the front and on the back it says "wanna get breakfast?" lmao

sooo confused

ok...so me and nick are over...right? well we have been hanging out and kissing and such and he still says i love you and stuff...but like when we talk hes like i dont think we will get married or live together and whatever and he said today that he doesnt want me around his family for a while but then like 20 minutes later he will be like i love you. so i dont get it!!! ugh boys are soooo stupid. screw them all.

well anyway im on the skinny girl diet. today was day 1. it sucked. im going to start over tomorrow. im like 168 :(

tomorrow im baby sitting. im bringing my own food (fruits) because on the sgd you dont count fruits and veggies as calories which is great! and the kids im baby sitting have amazzzzing food cuz they are little kids so its like all sugar. ughh no good for dieting!!!

ugh im disgusting

ok so my boyfriend talked me into going to braums. i got a mint chocolate chip shake. my boyfriend and i split chicken strips and fries. then we went to mcdonalds and got sweet teas. ughh im soo disgusting. epic fail :(

pretty rough

i had a pretty rouch night last night. my boyfriend and i broke up but im pretty sure we will get back together. i lied to hiim about the stupidest thing ever. and i regret it. but i hope we will get back togher. we have been dating for over 2 years and i love him so much...

on the plus side i lost 2 lbs

167.8

I'M SKINNY @ THE HEART

today is the start of the skinny @ the heart competition on pt! im really excited because i FINALLY reached my gw #1 which is 170 lbs. i weighed this morning and im 169.6!! woohoo! i have been stuck in the 170s for like everrrrr!!! yay!!!

i noticed my followers grew by like 5! wooo!!! haha :)

ok well its noon here and i have had 65 calories. its going great!!! my tummy is growling but that is just fine by me. i might chew and spit some later idk. :)

im a fatttty

ok well me and my boyfriend ate furrs for lunch. so i told myself that would be all i was going to have today....welll i had 9 gobstoppers, i chew and spat a burrito, had 2 sugar cookies, and 3 meringue cookies. ughhh im sooooo grossssssssssssssss

june diet day 1

today i ate wayy more than i wanted to. i ate a piece of cold pizza this morning, which was all i was planning on eating. but then i went to my grandmas house. and we went out to outback. we split a blooming onion and a hamburger which i guess isnt so bad. it could be worse. my boyfriend made me really upset today. i really wish i wouldnt have eaten. im really doing this for him. to probe to him. idk what im trying to prove. but something. i didnt get to exercise much either. we went to the mall for about 5 hours which burned like 300 cals and i went swimming when i get home. idk how many calories that burned. i havent checked it on my i touch yet. i have this cool app its called lose it! and i keep track of my cals and such there.

wish me luck on the june diet!!

woowww i havent been on in like forever!! lol. so im starting a new diet for june and i probably will do it july as i want to lose 20 lbs this summer. its losing 10 lbs in a month which is totally do able because thats 2.5 lbs a week which is what the "experts" say is good to lose even healthfully but i plan to be unhealthy. screw it my life sucks anyway. so now im around 170 so almost go gw #1 which is 170. im like 170.6 so yeahhh! :)

im starting over on abc. i didnt like go over or anything. actually i have been doing really well.

but me and my friend are going ot do it together. :)

alright....i havent written in like FOREVER haha. well im starting over on ABC...today was day 2. i have lost 1 lb. lol. i started at 176.6 and now im 175.4 :) which is pretty good in 2 days.

i just dropped my freaking laptop on my freaking foot. it hurts sooo damn bad. i fucked up my mouse so i have to go buy a new one tomorrow so my dad doesnt find out. i hope he doesnt notice it wont be the same brand! lol :)

guys im so fat. fml.

boyfriend got mad at me today. toady was going good...until that.

i ate pretty much all the food in the world.

im such a fatty. kill me now!

im giving up on the abc diet. i just have no will power and i am just a shitty dieter.

wellll its been 10 days since i have started the ABC diet....im still fat. of course. yeahh its really hard. :(

welll today is a 200 calorie day... this morning i ate 2 things of celery and green tea. so its like no calories. lol. today im going to put in a bunch of applications and get my boyfriend 2 year anniverisary present. im excited :)

wish me luck on the applications!! i seriously need a job!!

hahaha today was a 100 calorie day...

i ate 3 pieces of pizza and 2 fried egg sandwhiches.

wayyyy over 100 calories!!! haha i suck!

and i gained 2 lbs. im now 179. but i weighed my self when i got home which happened to be like 1/2 hour after i ate...so that might be part of it. but tommorow is 200 calories and i probably wont eat even that.

TGIF!!! this week has been long but short at the same time??? idk how to explain. alot of people were gone today because there were 2 field trips. i didnt go to either one. one was a class (not mine) went to norman and another was ap kids went somewhere. i was in ap but switched out. oh well i dont really care.

so my diet sucks. im hungry. and its hard b/c im not used to not eating. and everything revolves around eating!!! grrrr!!

i have lost 3 lbs but idk if it is real fat.

damn im such a freakin fatty!! im following my ABC diet. but i am still fat. my boyfriend called me fat today. i cried in a class because i was so damn frustrated with myself. ughhhh i hate my self... fml!!!

well tomorrow im starting the ABC diet. wish me luck!!! hopefully i can stick to it. i have a problem with that!!

well my life is sucking right now. my boyfriend keeps being really mean to me. he is going on a trip soon. he told me he doesnt want to talk to me the whole time. fml i freakin bawled. :(

i ate 955 calories today!! :( i suck. that is sooo much and i like ate not that much actual food. grrrrr.

fml

well its snowing!! ha well my day has already started off crappy.

i ate maltomeal for breakfast and jello and apple juice.

thats like a zillion celories.

grrrr :(

well shopping was good! i got a pair of miss me jeans and a skirt from abercrombie and some free undies from victorias secret. and a tank top from target and some calvin klein sweat pants :)

but i tried on way more than that and looked like a fatty :(

i had a hot dog from sams. with ketchup. (ugh im hating myself for it now!) and a sams cup of coke. real coke too. not diet. cuz diet is icky. but i should probably have drank diet because coke has lots of calories.

its raining. and its freaking cold. :( snow tomorrow. blehhh im ready for spring! snow time is gone. but apparently not! haha

well i just cracked.

i just ate 2 pieces of bread with cheese and pepperoni.

then i ate a ton of girl scout cookies.

then i ate a ton of pepperonis.

:(

i suck

well its the last day of spring break :(

but im gonna shop today! woohoo!

i havent been shopping in forever.

well i worked out today. all i have eaten is mandrain orange in jello. its only like 50 calories!! yayy!!

im gonna try to hardcore diet today because of shopping.

wish me good luck!!

I feel like a big fatty

what i ate today:

1. probiotic yogurt


2. 4 pieces of pizza


3. orange crush


4. english breakfast tea
   

thats about it. yuck :(

i wish i looked like these girls!!

March 18, 2010

Hey everyone. This is my first blog (duh). This blog is going to be mostly Pro Ana. I'm going to kinda stay anonomyous but I will tell you about myself. I live in Oklahoma. I am 17 years old. I have a boyfriend and we have been going out for a while and it has beeen good for the most part. We have our ups and downs, just like any other relationship. I am fat. I have been on the diet rollercoaster for a long time. That is what i made this for mostly. I am 5'5". I weigh about 178 lbs. I have done pretty much every diet but i mostly just don't eat for a while. But, i end up losing it about the 3rd day and eat everything in freakin sight. It sucks. I don't look how much i weigh. I wear about a large or extra large in like fitted shirts and an 11 in pants and a medium in like t-shirts. I wear Abercrombie and Hollister clothes (I try to anyway) some times their clothes don't fit me and i just feel terrible.

Anyway... I'm on Spring Break (woohoo!) although its almost over :( my mom and i are going shopping tomorrow. I'm so excited. I havent been shopping in forever. I dont really like to shop because of the way i look. But we will see how it goes!